by Gary Romeo
I was looking forward to it. I really wanted to like it. I was hoping for the best. But, realistically what can you expect for $1.99. That’s cheaper than a comic-book.
Yep. It is only half the cost of a comic. But it is also only half as good. If I were to read a Conan comic-book about a wolf/gorilla like beast I’d at least get to see some imaginative art most likely. This short story is pretty unimaginative, and art could only help.
The first chapter gives us a Conan covered in saliva and cow shit. Later we get foul smells, more saliva, dirt and blood, and steaks carved out of still living cows. I get it. The author wants short cut imagery to show the reader a primitive harsh unsanitary world. It’s OK, I guess, but not all that entertaining.
The basic story is comic book simple. Conan is the last survivor (yet again) and wakes up in a cow pasture. The cow-herder helps Conan, the cow-herder (and his cows) are addicted to black lotus with a purple moss chaser, and the cow-herder tells Conan of a nearby town with lots of beer and babes. Along the way a beastie attacks Conan. Conan struggles, Conan prevails.
There is a slight twist in the plot. Conan behaves like the brute some writers think the readers all want to secretly be. End of story. It isn’t a great start. But what did I expect for $1.99? I hoped that Stephen Graham Jones would have slaved over the tale until it was a polished gem. I hoped his love for Conan and Robert E. Howard would have made him want to write the absolute best Conan tale possible. I hoped this would be the start of something great! I hoped, I hoped, I hoped…
According to Wikipedia: Stephen Graham Jones (born January 22, 1972) is a Blackfoot Native American author of experimental fiction, horror fiction, crime fiction, and science fiction. His most widely known works include the horror novels The Only Good Indians, My Heart is a Chainsaw, and Night of the Mannequins.
He is currently the Ineva Baldwin professor of English at the University of Colorado Boulder. 31.5 linear feet of works written by or related to him are held in the Sowell Family Collection in Literature, Community, and the Natural World, part of the Southwest Collection/Special Collections Library at Texas Tech University.
I didn’t hate the story and I’m sure Mr. Jones is an excellent writer in most cases. But it was too simple of a story to satisfy. There has been some talk that Sword & Sorcery works best in short stories. I never agreed with that. At this stage Conan NEEDS novels. Stories that give some insight into his character, provide sub-text for his actions, and the Hyborian World. Robert E. Howard was able to do that in a short story. Other authors can’t. I was more or less satisfied with Blood of the Serpent by S. M. Stirling. In the early going it was fresh and the gold heist plot had promise but it was curtailed by the choice to lead into Robert E. Howard’s “Red Nails.”
This first e-book was a mediocre comic-book. But like a comic-book, one mediocre issue won’t keep me away from a favorite character. I’ll continue with the series.
Hey, it’s only $1.99.
spraguedecampfan 
Hi. Thanks for the review. Your pain (in reading this) is my gain (so that I won’t do so). However , I’m sorry that you had to suffer.
Ps, I think I noticed a small error in the article (“Conan behaves like the brute some writers think the readers all want too secretly be.”).
My opinion should never be anyone’s final decision. It is only $1.99 so I recommend that EVERYBODY should buy it to at least support the effort. The sentence you quoted is awkward and I believe I made a mistake with “too” it should be “to” I think. I was trying to say that some writers think the reader likes a brutish Conan because that is what they think the reader desires himself to be.